The Click: A Promising Start or a Pitfall?

Published on 26 May 2024 at 00:21

The Click: A Promising Start or a Pitfall?

A "click" is accompanied by mutual attraction. According to recent scientific insights, people tend to seek out someone who resembles them or bears similarities to close friends or people within their social network. Character traits that are familiar can also be found attractive for this reason. Often, relationships from early childhood play a role in this. However, this does not necessarily mean that this aspect has a positive influence on new relationships: if you have had negative experiences in your childhood, you might choose a partner who treats you in the same way. For example, if you received little love as a child, you might be attracted to someone who is emotionally unavailable.

The famous "click" can, according to scientists, be traced back to biological reactions in the brain, such as the release of dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin—chemicals that play a role in forming social bonds. Additionally, there are pheromones, substances that elicit unconscious reactions in another person's body. Women, in particular, may select a partner with a complementary immune system through these pheromones, potentially resulting in stronger offspring. However, a partner who contributes to strong offspring does not guarantee a strong relationship.

Many scientists argue that loving and enduring relationships take time to develop and that this does not necessarily have to happen with the person one is immediately attracted to. This notion seems to contradict the process of (online) dating, where having a "click," preferably even "love at first sight," is high on the wish list for a first encounter. The absence of this click is often cited as a reason to immediately end the contact.

Where does this desire for a "click" come from? Perhaps romantic literature has contributed to this. I think of the many beautiful novels that describe passionate physical attraction.

First, I would like to mention Salt on My Skin by Benoîte Groult. In this novel, an intellectual woman describes her passionate love for a Breton sailor. Due to significant social differences, she does not want to marry him, but she cannot resist his physical attraction, and we, as readers, are thoroughly made part of this.

Other novels where physical attraction between heterosexual and homosexual men and women plays an important role include:

Lady Chatterley’s Lover by D.H. Lawrence
Turkish Delight by Jan Wolkers
The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera
A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara
The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde
Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit by Jeanette Winterson
The Price of Salt by Patricia Highsmith

Many of these novels, however, come with a disclaimer on happiness: they do not have a happy ending.


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